Are you going to wish for it or work for it?

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

On the walls of my fitness studio I have 3 or 4 chalkboards and every week I change the quotes that are on them to words that I use to inspire me. Ever since I was inrehab back in the bad old days fighting to kick my addiction issues I have used quotes and small inspirations such as these to basically guide me in my day to day life. I know it must sound almost ridiculous that a well-educated woman would find guidance and solace in something you could read on a desk calendar but bare with me as I explain why.

These quotes are simple. They cannot really be over-analyzed, torn apart, misinterpreted or argues over. They are what they are and cannot be made into anythig more or less. Often people try to over-complicate things to the point that all meaning is lost or they work it into something  they can interpret to mean exactly what they want to hear. My prime example of this is the millions of different interpretations of religious texts by both scholars and laymen – how many times have the same words been used to justify different acts? It is all in the interpretation and perspective of those that read them and that is why I prefer to find simple words of people that have been through what I am going through – words that they choose to describe the simplest way to overcome whatever challenge I am facing because that philospophy helped them to overcome theirs.

Which is why one of my favorites is the title of this week’s blog: Are you going to wish for it or are you going to work for it?

I first heard this quote during my training for Directorship in Mary Kay. We were siting around talking about our dreams – how we all wanted to make thousands if not millions, drive free cars and wear free diamonds – and our Mary Kay Millionaire National Sales Director said to us, “So now that you know what you want, are you going to wish for it or work for it?” It was a profound moment in my life – I don’t know about anyone else but at her words I realized that whatever my life was truly to become, whatever dreams of mine were to come true – they were  up to me to make happen. No amount of dreaming, wishing, hoping and even talking was going to win me a free car or get me a diamond – nothing but work was going to fill my bank account and you know what? Within 4 months I had earn my first diamond ring (which I still have) and was driving my first of 3 free Mary Kay cars. I was the only one of that group who was and the next year as the #2 Sales Director in my area with over $400,000 in sales and personal earning of almost $80,000 in that year (and having earned 3 more diamonds and yes another car!) I was asked to teach a group of aspiring new Sales Directors at the very same conference that inspired me. You know what I saw? The same women that were sitting there with me the year before still talking about what they were going to do and what they wanted. To say it was an eye opener for me in the ways of human behavior would be an understatement.

I still use those words today in almost everything I do. My husband and I discuss our dreams and our goals for the future and then we sit down and make out a plan that will get us where we want to be and figure out what we will have to do to get there. As our dreams and/or circumstances change – so does our plan. Just like life, it is always changing, always fluid, but it is there. It brings me comfort to know that my dreams are mere wishes in the night, they are attainable, achievable goals that can only be determined by my own actions or inaction, by my own choices. My life is not determined by chance or fate – that to me would make me a victim and I refuse to live like that. I am no victim of chance, either good or bad, I am in control of my own destiny and when the unforeseen happens as it always will, I have the power to adapt and to change right along with it.

It is this attitude and philosophy that I use to help my clients achieve their own goals. They will often here me listen to their complaints, their excuses, their challenges with an open ear. They tell me all the reasons why they haven’t done what they said they would, they explain how circumstances are holding them back from doing what they need to do and then I will look at them and say – ‘So what are you going to do about it?’ Most of the time they are quite taken aback because they have never thought much about their on empowerment. They have never really realized or even been told that they are the masters of their own destiny, that they are in charge and challenges are just that – challenges – they cannot stop us from reaching our goals and living our dreams if we do not let them.

It is this saying that comes to me again and again when reading wishes that people have been making online on a popular local discussion board. There have been so many that have asked for things that they want in their lives but when asked what they were willing to do in exchange – they either don’t respond, don’t follow through or in some cases actually get angry and say ‘I was just making a wish!’ What some people don’t understand is that most often the best way someone can help grant their wish is to show them how to get it for themselves. Many MANY times people have wished for financial assistance for help with groceries or rent or even gifts for the holidays for their children. I always offer them help with their finances by volunteering my time (and professional advice) to assist them with developing a budget and a sound financial plan so they can figure out how to pay for all of their needs with what income they have. In this way, their wish for groceries etc can be granted not just a single time with a cash donation but for all time. Guess how many have taken me up on that?

It is often akin to banging you r head against a brick wall – watching people complain again and again about their situation but not actually doing anything about it.Don’t get me wrong – we all have our days. even me. I have been known to bitch and whine and complain my fair share BUT when you hear the same complaints from  the same people again or again or even spend months or years listening to people talk about what they want but see no movement towards it or change in behavior – what do you do? It is frustrating! And beyond frustration it can lead to annoyance, at least for me. It is like watching someone complain about a cough while smoking their 3rd cigarette in a row, tell you how they want to lose weight as they eat a bag of chips or complain that they don’t have money for rent as they are buying a case of beer.

Wishes and Work – to many they are mutually exclusive but to me they are not – a wish is simply the end result of what you are willing to work for. It is what you want to get out of the effort you are willing to put in. Rarely does someone sit and do nothing and have their wishes magically granted (I think the last person to do this was Aladdin) – the rest of us that don’t live in Fairy Tales actually have to be willing to work for the things that we want. So many times I have had this conversation with someone and they look at me and say ‘Well it’s easy for you!’ And go on to tell me all the reasons why they just can’t….

Nothing is easy for me, nothing has ever been easy for me and that’s OK, if it was I probably would have eyed it with skepticism and turned away from it. Life isn’t meant to be easy – nothing worth wishing for is ever easy – but I promise you that the path to it is a simple one -it all comes down to how badly you want it and how much effort you are willing to expend to get it. There is only one question you have to ask yourself to determine whether or not your wish is attainable…

Are you going to wish for it or work for it?

And if your answer is wish – you don’t want it very badly and if your answer is work – I will always be here to help!

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15 Minutes to Success – Paying it Forward

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

Especially over the holidays I hear the excuse… “I don’t have TIME to

exercise!”  Really? Seriously? I don’t believe you. The truth is that you DO have time, you just don’t do it.

If you give me 15 minutes a day, I can change the way your body looks and feels.

Still don’t have time? What’s the next excuse? You don’t have the money? You don’t have the space?  Come on, give ‘em to me. The only one I can’t overcome is… “I just don’t want to.” And if that is how you truly feel then you can just stop reading now. Save yourself the effort

So you are still reading and I am going to assume that you really do want to make a change or just learn how you can make a difference even with all of your ‘challenges’ well here it is.
You don’t need money, equipment, any more space than your coffee table takes up. You don’t need to leave the house, wait until the kids are in bed or spend hours breaking a sweat. You don’t need any of that.

What you do need is a desire to get stronger and healthier. Willingness to put some work behind your words. You need 15 minutes a day. You need comfortable clothing and some great music.

How is your checklist doing? Do you have what you need? Ok, well then let’s get started.

All you need is 15 minutes a day and 3 separate workouts that you can do with no equipment other than a clock. 10 different exercises each day that you are going to do after a quick, fun warm up followed by some basic stretching.

Seem too simple? Believe it or not, most successful weight loss and fitness programs are very simple—they just aren’t easy. You will work. You will sweat . You will see results within weeks. You will lose inches. You will tone and build muscle. You will lose fat. It is simple—you just have to do it.

So what do you think? Can you give it a shot? Are you willing to work just a little bit in order to change your life? Hopefully you are. Let’s see how much effort you are really willing to put towards your health.

I am not going to make it too easy for you though. If you want to know what exercises I recommend for you to do you are going to have to put forward some  effort.  Yep… you are going to have to ask! If you want a free copy of my 15 minute success  program you are going to have to ask me for it AND since I am giving it to you for free, I am going to require you to do a little bit more.

‘Tis the season so… you need to pay it forward. Just do one thoughtful act of kindness for a complete stranger and tell me about it. Send me an email telling me what you did and telling me why you want this program and I will email you a step-by step 3 day fitness plan that you can rotate twice a week (one day off) that will help you work towards your goals and start you on your path to health and fitness.

I think it is a very fair trade and I can’t wait to hear your stories. Please also include your permission to share your story online and in our newsletter (optional) to pass on the spirit and encourage others to do the same.

I can’t wait to hear your stories!

Email me at butterfly@mts.net

Happy Holidays!!!

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Can we talk???

Friday, October 21st, 2011

Ok, I may be dating myself here but did anyone else hear Joan Rivers’ voice in their head when reading the title of this blog?

seriously though – Can we? it seems that the art of discussion is becoming lost in the world of today – and I am not really sure why. Now I am not talking about phone and face to face conversations being lost to online chats, texts and forum debates, that is a whole separate focus and one that I would be adamant about, what I am talking about is what I see as a hypersensitivity and a demand for more and more political correctness, so much so that it is difficult to share opinions and perspectives in anyway that can be construed as actually constructive.

Everyone (ok, maybe not everyone – but if you know me at all or follow my  blogs), knows that I am an avid online-debater. I LOVE discussion forums, they are a passion of mine. And I am sure that many think this is a huge waste of time but for me they serve a huge purpose other than entertainment (which now that I am on house arrest is very important too), they provide me the opportunity to be exposed to a variety of cultural, religious, ethnic and demographic perspectives that I wouldn’t be able to in my everyday life. Think about how often you chat on the phone or have dinner and a great conversation about politics, current events, morality or religion with someone from a different culture, religion, background etc… not too often and even if we do, it is usually the same people over and over as they make up a part of our regular social group. To me, online discussion forums have become a great asset to our society in just this way – by exposing us to new ideas and people that we would not usually seek out. For someone like me who often has great difficulty thinking in the greys (meaning seeing things pretty black and/or white), this type of exposure is essential to personal growth and development.

Suddenly though I am seeing a change in even the online community of discussion forums. So many people are overly-sensitive, they demand political correctness and non-offensive commentary from contributors – which I usually have no problem with except that these demands have gone too far. By demanding and restricting comments, by trying so hard not to offend anyone, anywhere in anyway – can we really have open and honest communication? Can we really share our thoughts and feelings? Our experiences and beliefs? Or is this type of PC Censorship actually preventing us from becoming more sensitive to the issues by not allowing us to share and to learn from each other? I have often been heard to say (or read to type) that if you do not want honest opinions and comments then you should simply stay off the Internet and I truly mean that. I also mean that in my face-to-face discussions as well. If you don’t want to hear my opinion or feel that you need to censor me in what I say – don’t ask, because if we are discussing an issue, I will always be open and frank – how else can we learn? If I have to weigh every thought and word before I say it against the sensitivity of the person before me will they ever truly be able to understand how I feel or what I think? Will I ever really get to know them? I think not.

people are people, issues are issues. I have some amazing friends that I can discuss things with and completely disagree with. I have friends and acquaintances online and in person in which I regularly have quite in-depth discussions about politics, religion etc and we are so far apart on the spectrum that we can’t even see the middle and yet we get along famously. Issues are issues. I can debate heatedly with you on the legality of abortion, on the death penalty, on the need for transgendered washrooms without attributing your views on those topics to who you are as a person. I actually want to know what and why you think/feel the way you do and even though you may never convince me to agree, you will always get my respect for being able to explain your position. Unfortunately too many people can’t seem to do that. They can’t seem to separate the person from the issue. They get so emotionally attached to their perspective that any other view or opinion is taken as an insult or personal attack. I wish someone could explain it to me. I just don’t get it.

If you tell me, ‘I believe that A=B’ and I ask, ‘Why do you believe that? What is B=C instead?’ – how is that an insult? Are our opinions on topics so intergrained with who we are that they cannot stand up to scrutiny? Have we become so sensitive and insecure as individuals that we have reached a point where we can’t even question anything anymore, where we cannot stand to be questioned? I have raised my children to question everything. ‘Because I said so’ is never a good enough reason in my home. I want them to be free-thinking individuals capable of research and developing their own thoughts and opinions, whether they agree with me or not. How can they do that is they are not allowed to ask questions, if when they do people get defensive and shut down communication? What will our society become if we are so busy tiptoeing around each other that we never get close enough to actually know one another?

I know for myself, I will never be the best person that I can be if I am no longer allowed to learn from everyone else. I don’t want to be that sheltered, but I have to wonder – does everyone else?

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