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Monday, July 26th, 2010
The events of the past few weeks, both personally and professionally have left me contemplating the true cost of Integrity. Let me start first by defining what integrity is – it is the true opposite of hypocrisy where you say one thing and do the other – Integrity means that your words and your actions are consistent, that you act on your morals and stand up for your beliefs. Integrity is one of the personal virtues that I value over all else, both in myself and in those around me. I think this stems back from years of living with uncertainty, a lack of confidence in others and some serious breaches of trust - but those issues are for another blog, another day.
It has taken me a great many years of personal reflection and emotional battles to finally come to realize not only who I am as a person but my emotional and moral identity as well and after having been introduced to them, the struggle to form an acceptable relationship and finally learn to not only respect and accept those parts of me but to embrace and love them, has been a well fought battle and one that I don’t regret for a moment enduring. I have come to a place in my life where I love who I am, I know myself intimately, understand my values and have the confidence to express my opinions and beliefs to those around me without fear of them abandoning me or not wanting me around. I have learned that those people that really matter will accept me for who I am and while I never expect agreement, I do expect and demand respect for what I believe and who I am. Those that cannot or will not do that, have no place in my life.
This may sound like a harsh statement but when you look at it closely you realize that I am not saying that I expect everyone around me to agree with me or even like what I have to say, but if they can respect my ability to say it than we can co-exist. Those that turn against someone just for their opinion on a topic, are not people I choose to be around because they are only interested in people who think and act like them or who conform to their ideas of what a relationship should be. I prefer to surround myself with other people who value integrity and have the confidence to say what they think, act on how they feel and know that the people who love them will respect them more for it than if they say one thing and do another – how could you ever trust someone who want talk to you directly but prefers to talk about you to others? I know I can’t.
I believe that you teach people how to treat you and if you are upfront and honest with them but don’t demand the same respect from them, then they will never extend that to you and the relationship will forever be strained and tainted. It’s like complaining for 20 years that your husband is always late for dinner and your food is cold but yet refusing to NOT make dinner unless he is on time. When your actions are inconsistent with your words, you set yourself up for a lifetime of negativity.
Beyond personal relationships though, Integrity in business is also a subject very close to my heart. Just recently I chose to close my retail store. Now many many MANY people have commented (most of course hid behind anonymous Internet posts to do so because they don’t have the integrity to stand behind their words), they have commented on the fact that perhaps my ‘attitude’ contributed to the lack of retail business in my store. Many have said that if I would stay out of local politics, if I would stop upsetting people over community and local issues, that my business would have done better. Many have also said that if only I would sell ‘weight-loss products’ instead of healthy food and exercise, the store would have fared better.
I have listened to all of these comments with both ears and to both suggestions I have to say… you are probably right. No, you are actually DEFINITELY RIGHT! Surprise!!! Of course I realize that if I were to sit back and watch events without comment, without voicing my opinion, without getting involved and putting my name behind my statements, I would have more friends and more business. Perhaps if I chose to do like so many others and complain only in the coffee shops and never take action, I would have better business and perhaps if I chose to promote the unhealthy and useless weight loss supplements, pills, fads and equipment that promises fast and easy results, exploiting people who want to lose weight without work, I would have better business.
Yes it is true – if I did all of that I would have more people in my life. I would be surrounded with ‘friends’ and family and my business would thrive. I know that. The only difference between me and the many others who are successful in their minds by doing things that way is that I absolutely flatly refuse. I chose NOT to do those things that would guarantee my business financial success because well… no amount of money can buy my integrity back.
I would have many more peope in my life, agreeable and happy conversations, never a harsh word, hurt feeling or heated debate or discussion. Never any demands, never any admonishments. But to me – those relationships just aren’t worth the time – who wants to be surrounded by yes-men and people that you know don’t care about the real you enough to respect your true self? Who wants to be surrounded by people who will say one thing to your face and another behind your back? Who wants to be surrounded by hypocrites who will say whatever is needed to keep the peace and avoid conflict, sacrificing honesty in the process? Not Me.
Do I like money? Absolutely. Am I upset at the loss of my retail store? Of Course. Am I willing to abuse the trust people have placed in me as a professional or take advantage of people’s desperation in order to make a few dollars? NEVER. I would rather wait tables for a living – the way I did when I worked to put myself through school and raise my son on my own. I don’t need any amount of money badly enough to sacrifice who I am and everything I believe in. There is always more money – and no amount of it can purchase dignity.
yes, there are high costs to doing what you feel is the right thing, for standing up against the crowd and demanding to be accepted for who you truly are, not just the good parts. I have lost relationships, a marriage and family over refusing to be in the company of people who treat me without respect. Never have I asked to be worshipped, but never will I accept being dismissed or belittled and those that cannot or will not accept that part of being in my life, just have no place in it. I have lost business, I have lost a great deal of money because I choose not to do what so many others have done and sell out for profit. yes, the costs of Integrity can be high but the rewards….
Ah the rewards! What have I gained after all of these losses? What do I know to be true in my heart? Well after many years of suffering with no confidence, with a constant fear of people leaving me if I didn’t accept whatever treatment they were willing to give and with not actually knowing myself who I really was as a person, I can now honestly say… I don’t care. I am who I am. I am loud, opinionated and emotional. I get passionate over issues and will stand up and fight for what I believe in even if I am the only one who does. If you ask me what I think or feel, I will tell you and you may not always like it. If you hurt or offend me, I will tell you. If I say something behind your back you can bet your paycheck I will also say it to your face. And I have very little use or patience for those that will not do the same. I can be extremely judgemental – a personality flaw I constantly battle and hold everyone to very high standards because I believe they should always want and strive for the best for themselves and excuses don’t have any place in my life. I can still be quite sensitive as well which sucks but most people are quite surprised that I am not as much of a hard-ass as I seem lol. But most of all I am generous to a fault and will always do whatever I can to help those that I see helping themselves but will never offer sympathy or charity to those that sit with their lips and hands out. Pity is not in my repertoire.
Yes, the costs of Integrity can be very high but the reward of being able to walk anywhere I go with my head held high, knowing that I have nothing to hide and no secrets or lies to fear being uncovered, that I can sleep at night knowing that I have lived that day to the best of my ability and don’t need to fear the morning. The relationships that I have in my life are strong and true and deep, I can trust the people I am with, I can be my honest and open self without fear or worry and I know that I can always count on them to be there for me with open arms and acceptance oof the real me. Those rewards are the ones that are far more valuable than any financial or social gain. I am who I am and conceit be damned, I love me!
Posted in General, Mental Health, Weight Loss, Wellness Store | 40 Comments »
Politically Correct
Friday, April 23rd, 2010
Did you know that the majority of Canadians feel that health care is or should be the government’s top priority during its administration both on a provincial and federal level? Did you also know that over 30% of health care costs come from preventable illness and diseases DIRECTLY related to obesity?
And yet it is considered rude or politically incorrect to say anything about it to the offenders themselves. When you see an obese child eating a big-mac and some fries – what thoughts cross your mind? What do you think when you see a morbidly obese person walking down the street eating a bag of chips? Do you say what you are thinking? Of course not! None of us do because it would be bad manners and we don’t want to hurt any one’s feelings.
And that silent acceptance has turned what was once an anomaly into a health care crisis of epidemic proportions. It is now a litigious offense to not allow access to a restaurant, theater or mode of transportation to anyoo based on their size, even if they don’t fit! You can’t dare charge someone for two seats on a plane – even if they take up three – for fear of being sued. Suddenly everyone has become so politically correct andafraid to offend that no ne is willing to stand up and say that this is not acceptable! It costs billions of dollars in health care – taking away funding for people suffering from unpreventable illness, it is destroying the health of our country as a whole and is slowly killing our children. No oneeven seemed to blink when they changed the name of ‘Adult-Onset Diabetes’ to ‘Type-2 Diabetes’ because so many children were being afflicted with the lifestyle-related disease, something that was unheard of 30 years ago! We demand more funding for health care, more money for phys-ed classes, more money for everything and yet the solution doesn’t lie with the government or with more funding (never has more money been spent on health care that it has in the past decade and yet it isn’t nearly enough), the solutions lies as it always does – at the root of the problem.
Everyone knows that the less junk you eat and the ore you exercise, the healthy you are. Everyone knows that a carrot is a better snack than a doughnut and that 1 hour of baseball is healthier than 1 hour of x-box any day of the week – even children know that. The problem isn’t with getting people to understand what is right and healthy for them and their children, they know. The problem is getting them to do it! All of the pay off – all of the short-term rewards in society (at least where healthy lifestyles are concerned) come from doing the wrong thing. Fast food is easier. Video games make great babysitters. Sports are more expensive than TV. Pizza pops are an easier lunch than a sandwich when you are pressed for time to get out the door in the morning. And it is just easier to give in to a demand for Pepsi when you know water, juice or milk is really what they and you should have… Short term gain for long term pain.
It is so much easier to concentrate on those short term pay-offs than to deal with the alternatives and put energy and effort into doing the right things because well sometimes they are hard. No mother likes to hear her child cry, and it is so hard not stick to broccoli when they are screaming for french fries. It is so hard to go for a walk after dinner when you have worked all day than it is to sit and watch TV. And lets face it, planning andpaying for healthy snacks is much more difficult than opening up a bag of chips. I understand it – I really do! It is even more difficult when it’s all you have ever known and you try to change – even your body betrays you buy craving the fat andsalt you have grown it accustomed too! If you find it hard to say no – imagine how hard it will be for your children in 20 years when the word has been completely foreign to them their entire lives. Children live what they learn and they will follow in your footsteps.
So if people know the right thing to do but choose to do the wrong thing anyway – how do we as a society change that? Some may even be asking – Should we? Well, when it came time to change the way that the Country viewed smoking, we sure did think that society had a right and even an obligation to get involved in people’s personal choices and what they did with their bodies – because it affected society as a whole. that is the point of a democracy – to do what is best for the majority and look at what that attitude has done in the past 10 years on that front. No more smoking in public places – rules where you can smoke outside andincreased taxes on cigarettes to discourage the practice even more. we have also all heard stories of smokers being denied government-funded surgeries or treatments because they refused to quit. Has it worked? Look around next time you go out for dinner or for a few drinks – smokers used to be the majority because it was the popular thing to do and totally acceptable – that is no more. Some will argue that these laws an policies interfere with individual rights and you know what – I agree, they do and they should! Because when individual choices negatively affect society as a whole, they need to be taken away.
Perhaps these types of incentives are needed to get people to see obesity in a different light – not as an individual freedom, but as a problem that affects society as a whole. Perhaps if we weren’t so afraid of offending people andstood our ground saying that this behaviour is NOT acceptable, we would start to see a change. If you take up two seats, you pay for two. If you can’t fit – you don’t go. If you refuse to change lifestyle you lose free health care for those related illnesses. What is obesity was no longer considered a disability? What if we started referring obese children to Child and Family Services for intervention and home studies? What if we started seeing it for what it is, a choice? Would that change the attitude people have towards solving the problem? Health care is free, mental health is free, dietitians are free – in Canada there is no excuse for not taking charge and being responsible for your own choices. There is so much help available – so many people willing to help that we can stop this epidemic and change the way our country is growing – giving us and our children a chance at a healthy and happy future. Isn’t that what we all what?
***the definition of obesity is being at least 20% over ideal weight as determined by body fat percentage or body mass index***
Posted in Diet Therapy, Weight Loss | 95 Comments »
Professional or Pimp?
Thursday, April 15th, 2010
I don’t think I have ever walked into a commercial gym or even a mall without seeing someone or some company pimping out their newest supplement designed to burn fat and build muscle. i don’t even think you can watch tv without seeing some miracle cure for obesity being promoted all over the world. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that in this day of instant messaging that the demand for instant gratification has extended to the health industry – no one wants to wait for results, everyone looks for a quick fix and are disappointed when they don’t find it. The weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar a year market and very few of those dollars are spent on gym memberships, nutritional consultants or healthy foods. The bulk of those billions are spent on pills, powders and special ‘equipment’ – all of which are promised to burn fat and keep it off – fast and easy!!!
How many of us have tried time and time again to lose weight – jumping on the bandwagon of whatever weight loss fad spends the most of advertising. How many times have we seen celebrities on TV marketing a new product or program only to see them again in a few months with all their weight back and no contract paying them to promise you the world? Look at Kirsti Alley and Jenny Craig just for a start…
Almost every single day I am contacted by someone looking for something to help them lose weight. When I show them our weight loss program materials and fitness class schedule I inevitably get the ‘what is the matter with you – were you dropped on your head as a child’ look before they stop me and say – no, I am looking for a pill or something. That is right before they leave. So many of my colleagues have bent to that pressure and complied with the demand for quick fixes by trading their professional integrity for higher incomes by promoting powders, pills and liquids that deep down they know won’t work or at least won’t work for long. I have to admit, it is tempting to do when time after time potential clients are swayed by ‘fast and easy’ marketing tactics within the industry but for better or worse, I refuse to bend to the pressure.
Weight problems can’t be fixed by magic potions or high-priced pills claiming magical results – if it could don’t you think that obesity would be a thing of the past instead of a health concern reaching epidemic proportions? Don’t you think McDonald’s would have bought the patent and be handing out pills with every Big Mac? Even celebrities like Oprah can’t seem to get it right and keep it off and she has access to anything and everything and has shared every trend with the entire world, again and again. The problem is and what these people refuse to understand is that our bodies crave consistency – they will always find a balance and adjust to whatever you do to it – so the more you yo-yo, the less likely your body will respond to anything because it constantly is readjusting itself. The more weight-loss supplements you take, the more you will need, just like a street junkie and eventually there is just never enough. Your body wasn’t made to live off supplements and it won’t be able to for long. Every drug you put into it changes the way it works and eventually, nothing will.
Weight loss isn’t magic, it isn’t chemistry and it isn’t even science – it is math. Calories in-calories out. Plain and simple but most people don’t want to admit it becuse it requires effort. The cause of the weight problems in North America aren’t caused by fast food, they are caused by apathy, laziness and sheer refusal to accept responsibility forones’ own choices. Only in this society could a mother even dream of suing a fast food chain for causing her kids’ obesity or a celebrity sue an airline for charging him for two seats when he actually takes up two seats! Where does it stop?
I wish that I could sell a magic pill to fix the years of poor eating habits and lack of exercise that have created the problems our society faces today. I wish that no child will ever have to face daily injections or amputation due to diabetes – that there was some perfect powder I could give them instead – but there isn’t.
Health comes from a healthy lifestyle – it can’t be bought, it can’t be sold and it can’t be given away – it has to be earned. The good news is that like my dad used to say – anything worth having is worth working for and there are so many people out there willing to help you without promising you the sky in order to pad their pockets. Don’t be fooled by slick marketing, paid endorsements or empty promises – you are worth more than that!
Posted in Weight Loss | 93 Comments »