542 2nd Avenue Rivers, MB

Ph: (204) 679-7806
Fax: (204) 480-4537
Email: butterfly@mts.net

xxxxxxxxx
« | »

Cockroaches

Quite often when I am asked to speak to a group about motivation or working through adversity, I start off my speech the same way. I ask everyone in the room to close their eyes and promise not to open them. Then I tell them that I am going to ask them a series of questions and if they can answer yes to the question they are to raise their hand knowing that everyone else in the room has their eyes closed too and can’t see their answer. Then the questions start.

Have you ever watched a family member suffer with and die from a terminal disease? 

Have you ever had to explain the death of a parent to your children?

Have you ever had to deal with infidelity? Domestic Abuse?

 Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?

Have you ever had to wonder where you were going to spend the night because you had no money and no where to go?  

Have you ever lost someone you loved to  suicide? 

Have you ever wondered if you were going to get beaten when you got home?

Have you ever gone to bed hungry because there just wasn’t any food?  

Have you ever had to cope with sexual abuse or abuse of any kind when you were a child?   

Have you ever seriously attempted suicide because you thought the world would really be better off without you?

Have you ever been abandoned by a parent? 

Have you ever watched your child in the hospital – not knowing if they were going to live or not?

Have you ever been raped?

Have you ever been a single parent, working and going to school with no help physically or financially?

Have you ever been institutionalized?

Have you or your spouse ever had a miscarriage?

Have you ever watched someone die violently?

Have you ever had to choose between paying rent or feeding your child?

Have you ever had to bury a spouse?

Have you ever been told you could never have children naturally?

Have you ever been addicted to a drug of any kind?

Sometimes I ask all the questions – sometimes only a few depending on the crowd but they never vary much. Then I ask everyone to put their hands down and open their eyes. I ask them to think seriously about the questions that they did say yes too and then keep in mind for the rest of the conference that I said yes to all of them. Every single one.

The reason I tell people these things isn’t for sympathy or pity – those are two things I don’t want, don’t need and don’t ever give – I am open about my history in order for people to understand where I have come from and how I have gotten to where I am without sitting locked up in a padded room in a white jacket babbling to myself. I think it is important for people to know who it is that is trying to motivate them or else we all tend to revert to the same train of thought when we see someone sharing secrets of success… “Oh sure, that’s easy for YOU to say but you don’t know what I have to deal with…” You know we do it – we all do it, even me.

I have never once thought that there was no one in the world worse off than me – I actually tend to see myself as quite lucky because I know how dark and ugly the world can be and I know that I escaped suffering the worst of it and other weren’t so fortunate. Not that it has been easier – it hasn’t even been close to that – but as you overcome one obstacle and put some distance between you and it – you start to see it for what it was and not what it seemed while you were encompassed in it. So often we are suffocated by a situation we can’t see past it – we lose all perspective, all positivity and start thinking that there is nothing else BUT the problem when really, no matter how big it may be – it is just one part of us, one part of our lives that will eventually make us a stronger person. I know now that ‘What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.’ NOW I know that – I didn’t always and their were times in my life I thought my problem or my situation was really going to kill me – other times, I prayed that it would.

And yet here I am. 35 years old, newly married to an amazing man who knows everything there is to know about me, knew it before we even met and still chose to marry me ;), I have two amazing kids – a 16 year old son that I raised on my own starting at 19 – working my way through school while supporting the both of us with no family support of any kind and a 4 year old daughter conceived through IVF after I discovered in 2001 that I would never be able to conceive naturally again after an incredibly brutal miscarriage. Is life perfect?? Not at all. But I know from experience that things could be a lot worse and I am so thankful for what I have today and that I have the ability to see the gifts in my life because I have something to compare it to.

There are hardships to having a life like mine of course – scars that are both physical and emotional that I can’t always hide when I want to and have to battle with sometimes daily, but their are also great benefits. I watch others who seem almost paralyzed with problems that compared to the ones I have overcome seem trivial – I know they aren’t to them, but to mean they often seem silly and I am grateful for the inner strength I have achieved knowing that no matter what happens to me, I can and always will survive it. An old friend used to tell me that I had the survival instincts of a cockroach – I used to think it was an insult but now looking back with a few more years between now and then, I know better.

I do have the survival instincts of a cockroach and I am so very very happy that I do because no matter what obstacles come my way, I know I will overcome and outlast them – I have done it before and I will do it again and again and again for as long as I need to. When something bad does happen – like our failed IVF attempt this month 🙁 – I give myself a day or two to say ‘Why me! Haven’t I suffered enough?’ I shake my firsts at the fates, I rant, I rave and I cry. But then like a cockroach that’s been stepped on – I pick myself back up and say “Why me? Because I am strong enough to handle it and the next person may not have been” and I carry on.

Everything happens for a reason and I know that if I can spare just one person an iota of the pain I suffered in my journey from there to here, than everything I have endured will have served its purpose.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 30th, 2010 at 9:17 pm and is filed under Mental Health, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

38 Responses to “Cockroaches”

|
  1. Rosaria Shad says:

    I like to visit your site a couple times a week for new thoughts. I was wondering if you have any other subjects you write about?

  2. admin says:

    Hi Rosaria! I write about all sorts of topics that interest or affect me – I never know what will strike me as I sit down to write – is there anything you would like to see?

  3. MarkSpizer says:

    great post as usual!

  4. Na Toporek says:

    I have been looking for this kind of information for some time and I have a few questions. Would you mind answering them if I ask them here? Thanks.

  5. admin says:

    ask away!

  6. I loved what youve carried out right here. The pattern is elegant, your material classy. Yet, youve got an edginess to what youre providing the following. Ill surely arrive back for a lot more should you maintain this up. Dont drop desire if not too a lot of people see your vision, know youve gained a fan appropriate the following who values what youve acquired to say plus the way youve presented oneself. Very good on you!

  7. pestcontrol says:

    Good post but difficult to comprehend simply because I am from Thailand 😉

  8. theresa says:

    I’m not sure how I just found this website, however very thankful I have! As I read your questions I answered almost everyone of them as yes and some I could say yes I’ve witnessed this more times then many!!!
    My life slogan is “it could be worse”, since I learned long ago to NEVER say it couldn’t get any worse then this! At the age of 23 I went thru my first divorce, lost my home, car & my 4 children within a month. Just as I read of your dislike of sympathy, I don’t invite anyone to my pity party! Every time I lost anything I would say it couldn’t get any worse then this, and soon I’d find I was very wrong it could… I don’t usually post anything online and not sure why I am tonight. I do believe there is a reason, that I may never know.
    thank you for sharing this, it’s help me to realize I’m not the only one out here… Again thank you and God bless you

  9. admin says:

    Thank you so much for sharing THeresa! It means a lot to know that I too am not the only one out there!! Keep your chin up and feel free to share anytime!!!

  10. pell grant says:

    I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

  11. Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!

  12. Jarod Dear says:

    Hello!
    Thank you for giving some great info on the topic.

    I am saving your website and for sure definitely check back often.

  13. hey great information your site contains will return when I have time to read more.

  14. Just found your blog on google and I believe it is a shame that you are not ranked higher since this is a terrific post. To change this I decided to add your site to my RSS reader and I will try to mention you in one of my posts because you truly deserv more readers when publishing content of this quality.

  15. jobs online says:

    This is a good blog. Keep up all the work. I too love blogging and expressing my opinions. Thanks 🙂

  16. Beautiful blog with nice informational content. This is a really interesting and informative post. Good job! keep it up, hope to read your other updates. Thanks for this nice sharing.

  17. Hi,good article,thanks for your share! and I wonder if i can quote this post in my site if I put a link back to yours? Waiting for your answer!

  18. Searscard says:

    Eventually, I found the information I was looking out for. I have been carrying out groundwork on this topic, and for four days I keep choosing web-sites that happen to be intended to possess what I am seeking for, only to be disappointed with all the lack of what I needed. I wish I could have observed your web site more quickly! I had about 25% of what I was hunting for and your internet site has that, as well as the rest of what I necessary to finish my analysis. I have bought to this blog ideal here I like that you will obtain original content that you’re able to hardly obtain elsewhere. Happily, you’re able to locate however these kinds of blogs, make positive you go on! I can no lengthier see the mainstream media. It is there loads garbage published, I bear it no far more soon. A truly relaxing blog and excellent write-up. I devote days around the world-wide-web reading blogs, about tons of unique subjects. I need to very first of all give kudos to whoever designed your web-site and 2nd of all to you for writing what i can only describe as an publish. I honestly feel there is a talent to writing article content that only a number of posses and frankly you’ve got it. The mix of informative and top quality subject material is certainly tremendously scarce together with the big quantity of blogs to the web.Retain a great do the job!

  19. Robby Pretty says:

    I commend your editorial article, I have a collection of your blog, I hope to be able to write more interesting articles and news, and I will continue to focus on your blog, and I hope to be editors

  20. Marci Luskey says:

    Thanks for this usefull information.

  21. Hi,

    You know what, I have been searching for some more information on this topic, and wonder if anyone can help me out? I found this website on Google and would appreciate it if someone sends me some more links on this topic by email.

    Thanks much in advance.

  22. This is a great post.

  23. Found this blog on Digg, and I just needed to say thanks for the info!

  24. I’ve bookmarked, Dugg, and I joined the RSS subscription. Thanks!

  25. I was wondering where you got your layout? Its great Looking.

  26. Nowhere in your rambling, incoherent submit was there any sign of intelligence. I provide you with no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

  27. Dana Keahey says:

    Thanks I really needed this.

  28. Golf Clubs says:

    I wanted to tell you thanks for this great read!! I added to my bookmarks, take care

  29. Dacia Galm says:

    Hello, I just wanted to take some time today to make a comment and say I have really enjoyed reading your blog. Thanks for all your work!

  30. Does your blog properly display emoticons? Because mine does not 🙁

  31. Abel Tack says:

    Hi, I just thought I would post a comment and let you know your website layout is really messed up on the Firefox browser. Seems to work good in IE however. Anyhow keep up the good work.

  32. Jordan says:

    Then finally a superb blog post about the subject, continue the great work and therefore I wish to read even more of your stuff in the near future.

  33. Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! really nice post

  34. I propose not to wait until you earn enough amount of cash to buy goods! You should get the mortgage loans or small business loan and feel free

  35. Very informative post. Thanks for takin the time to share ur views wit us.

  36. Sex toys says:

    I completely luv ur blg! Thanx for the post, quite informative.

|

Leave a Reply