Time to refocus… and breathe!

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

It has been a long time since I have blogged anything, my life has been crazy busy, just the way I like it! I don’t think I could function with monotony although sometimes the drama gets to me and I need to escape into my own little word and refocus.

That is what I am doing now, but just on a larger scale. I mean on a day-to-day basis, considering that I spend most of my life dealing with other peoples problems, frustrations and issues and the rest of my time trying to motivate, encourage and support, I often need energy breaks to stay on track, center myself and just stay grounded but now I am finding myself actually falling into the trap of not practicing what I preach! And I hate that!

In July when I exceeded my body composition goals and we left on our fabulous holiday, I had it in the back of my mind that when we returned I would keep n going to hit my ultimate goal before our next holiday – a romantic anniversary vacation to Hawaii with my husband, alone, sans enfants. Well, that was 3 months ago and our vacation is now 3 months away and you know what progress I have made? NONE. ZILCH. ZIP. NADA. Although in my own defense I must say that I haven’t gone backwards either – I am literally the exact same size as I was in July, no change in body fat, weight or inches so in that regard, I am very lucky.

Now it isn’t just my personal fitness goals that I have been slacking on, it has been everything and you know why? Because I too am human and let myself get caught up in life – in the mommy syndrome and use of excuses to keep me from working to what I want and need in my life for personal fulfillment, not to mention the financial goals my husband and I have set together to stay focused on our retirement plan. Six months ago we sat down and came up with a plan to get us completely out of debt in 24 months, allowing for 2 great vacations a year (one for the two of us, one for the family), and you know where we are 6 months later? Still 24 months away. We have made ZERO progress on the plan that will have us retiring at 60 living a lifestyle we used to only dream about.

So, what excuses does the Queen of breaking the bullshit use on herself you may ask? Well the same ones everyone else does. I am busy. The start of September brought a lot of changes to the Gilbert-Budiwski clan, the most significant being our beautiful daughter advancing to a competitive training level in gymnastics which means that we are in Brandon 3 times a week for over 7 hours while she practices and you know what Michelle does during that time? her two favorite time-killers – she shops and she eats out. Yep, Sera is my excuse for over indulging and over spending. It’s all her fault – blame her! 😉

Ok, ok, that isn’t my only excuse (although it is my biggest), I do have another one… I like the way I look. It’s true. I dropped the body fat, started toning, started seeing a sleek new body that may not be where I want it but is way better than it was and being happy with where I was at, I just stayed there. There was no more internal pressure coming from not liking what I saw in the mirror, there was no more drive to keep going so I stopped. You may think that is ok, ad for most people it is but unfortunately, I may be happy where I am but it isn’t where I want to be ultimately so I can’t afford to stop and risk a backslide because I know that will make ever moving forward again just that much harder and I don’t want to work any harder than I have to. Does anyone really?

So these excuses over the past 3 months have gotten me into some bad habits. I mentioned that I am eating out while in Brandon at least twice a week – and even though I pick healthier choices, it is impossible to eat in restaurants that regularly and maintain a body composition goal or nutritional balance – especially since these two meals are also accompanied by a third – lunch out ever week with a good friend right next door to my office and while delicious and convenience, this restaurant is NOT a healthy choice, not for regular consumption anyway. So yep, there you have it – three restaurants a week. Can you imagine what kind of havoc that has been wreaking with my budget and my waistline? It has been intense. I estimate that I have spent a minimum of $1200 in restaurants since the beginning of September and that DOESN’T include any romantic dinners for 2!That is insanity from someone who can cook better than most restaurant chefs (yes I know – I have no humility)!

So here we go again. I just turned 38 last week and I am not wasting any more time. We have 3 months before we leave for Hawaii and I am planning on wearing an entire new wardrobe while on the island made up of the tiniest bikinis, shortest skirts and tightest jeans the law will allow! Ok that might be an exaggeration but you get my point. I may not necessarily do it, but I want to feel that if I chose to, I could pull it off with style and confidence and feel great about my body in every way. That is my goal, that is where I am going to be 3 months from now and it is the image of that feeling that is going to get me there, going to motivate me to keep going, fight the excuses, replace my bad habits and work my butt off literally! It is time to stop the static movement and actually start going forward again.

Three months, 3% body fat and 12 inches. Can I do it? Hell ya! Will I? Only if I can stay focused. These are my fitness goals – staying focused on them will help me stay focused on my other ones because just in case you didn’t realize this about me yet… I am an all or nothing kinda gal!

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