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A special kind of crazy

It comes in so many different names and depending on who you ask, I have been called them all. ‘Mentally unstable’, ‘Emotionally unbalanced’, ‘Touched’, ‘Nuts’ and my personal favorite, ‘Batshit crazy’ and where once I would be offended and scared by those titles, over the years I have come to embrace them all. I am definitely my own special kind of special and I don’t think I would have it any other way. I have learned to not only accept my ‘specialness’ but have embraced and nurtured it. It gives me a unique perspective on life that few will ever have the opportunity to behold and where I once thought that made me disadvantaged, I now feel sorry for everyone who is limited by their own sanity. So that being said, what did I sit down at my computer to talk about today? Oh yeah… my crazy assed life of course!

Those of you who know me have seen how my ‘specialness’ doesn’t really allow me to sit still very long, I get bored easily, need constant stimulation and don’t like monotony. Some may find similarities to a manic state if they look closely long enough, but no I am not bipolar – I don’t or at least I no longer have any depressive states, I have learned how to control that aspect of my brain, I don’t flip back and forth like I used to. I just coast along on the borderline and boy does it get things done! Nothing like the need to be on the constant move to increase efficiency in your life! Especially when that need is controlled and meticulous and focused – it’s actually quite fun. I tend to get more done in a day than many do in a week. Hmmm…. maybe I am a superhero after all!

Anyway before I lose all belief in the focusing ability of my superhero powers, let me share with you what I am up to now. I have decided, along with the encouragement of my wonderfully supportive husband, to go back to school and finally after all of these years (yes I hate to admit it but I am almost 40), get my University Degree. I don’t often talk about it, but it has always been a bone of contention with me that I never had the opportunity to go to University. When I was younger, it was always my goal. My parents always talked about it – Bachelor of Psychology, law school – I had my whole life planned out. I even started taking University Correspondence courses when I was in high school. And then reality hit. I entered grade 12 and SURPRISE! There was no money for school, not a cent. Not only did my parents earn (and squander) too much money for me to qualify for assistance or even a loan, for all of their talk and planning, they never saved a single dime for my education. I was crushed. I moved out on my own in anger and frustration, determined to make it on my own and I never looked back. At the time I had planned on saving for a year or two, qualifying for mature student status so I could get a loan but my son came along and changed that plan just a little. And 20 years later, here I am.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret or resent having a baby at 19, I would trade him for the world. I don’t know where I would be without Jesse, he has been the rock in my life and I am so proud of the man he has become and the woman he has helped me be that I can’t even describe it, life was not easy for us and we came through it together. I did manage to earn 3 college diplomas through correspondence while working full time to support my family as well as a few more various certifications throughout the years but I never had ‘A degree’ and was always sensitive of the looks I received from those of higher-educations when asking about my qualifications. It is like having a pimple of your nose – you are positive that it is all anyone ever sees, even if they don’t admit it.

So now here I am, enrolled in Athabasca University and studied something that I absolutely adore… numbers. Math was always my secret passion, throughout school, throughout life. Numbers don’t lie. Numbers are static. Math is black and white. 1+2 always = 3 and you don’t have to guess how they are feeling that day or watch your tone of voice with them. I love numbers. I love to balance and budget and troubleshoot. In high school I tutored advanced calculus to people in college, when I was 16 I started doing the books for my boss’ restaurant and have been doing small business book keeping ever since. Now of course with having 2 retail stores in Rivers close you might think my math isn’t all that good but that isn’t why they closed, my over-eager optimism and faulty prediction of the local economic market were my flaws there, but I digress.

For the past 2 years I have been working as a remote book keeper for an electrical construction company in Brandon and I absolutely love it. I find it relaxing. After a tough day of dealing with ‘not so static’ people, sitting down to a balance sheet is my solace. Seeing this and watching me tweak our personal budgets and retirement plans to meet goals and changing dynamics, my husband finally made the suggestion that I do something about it and voila – I guess I didn’t need much of a push because here I am a first year Bachelor of Commerce degree student! How long will it take me to earn a degree that would take me 4 years studying full time in school? I am guessing that it won’t take me any longer studying part time at home thanks to me ‘special kind of crazy’ 🙂

I have a goal. I want to have my degree hanging on the wall by the time Ivan starts grade 1. He is 15 months old right now. Why? Well, the last time my youngest went to school full time, I cost this family $150,000 in a business venture that is still sitting unsold on Main Street – probably the reason why Chris wants me to plan now for then because we can’t afford for me to get bored at home again 😀

So what will I do with an Accounting degree? I have no idea at this writing but I have faith that by the time comes for me to decide, the fates will present me with the opportunities of a lifetime because when you open yourself up to possibilities, there is nothing else out there but the possible.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 21st, 2013 at 1:54 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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